:|

some things on my mind.
I feel like I'm letting my family down and myself down. I find it pretty hard to fully concentrate and use my time wisely. It's as if I need pressure in order to get things done...and that's not good in a way. I'm trying to recall how I did it in high school or even in first year....I have no idea -____- I just worked. Another thing is how I face the fact that no matter how hard I study, I don't get the marks I want or need. I'm an under average student...and it amazes me to see how some people study less or use their not time not as wisely and still do way better than me! It's a humbling process I suppose, but it kind of hurts to see all the effort I put in to get a mark that is below class average. It's not like I don't understand the concept. Or maybe I just really don't understand the concept. I don't want to complain because I'm still passing by in my program so technically it is okay...but I want to do well. Maybe it's my pride, where I want to do well and not just pass....but the more that I've been thinking about this, the more I feel that I am able to really trust in God all the more...whether I pass each term, especially last term...such a miracle and blessing from God that I was able to maintain an 80% average and receive scholarship and more bursaries....it's like when I give up and just do the best that I can, I have peace in my heart when I just pass and to be able to advance to the next term is really by God's grace. I thank God that I'm still in my program. Though I might not be good at what I do, I'm able to actually share with my classmates about God. Not always, but I'm trying and improving, with the help of God. My family is concerned with me and how I manage my time. Maybe I spend too much time with non-school things...but I don't even know >< ahhhhhhhh! I just really want to seclude myself in a place where no one will find me and study..and even so my thoughts wander around! I really need to ask God to be my motivation and my thoughts. I also need to rethink how I manage my time. I feel terrible.