hurt.

At 4:20pm today, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, angry and hurt. I was asked by a random stranger for change at 7-eleven. I had my wallet in my hands, he was eyeing it, he was holding his clear starbucks drink (assuming it was filled with water) on his side and it was dripping out. I didn't want to lie to him that I didn't have change. So I opened my wallet, he said he needed to buy groceries. I genuinely thought he did and that my change wouldn't buy enough for him. So I bypassed the change portion of my wallet and saw that I only had $10.00. So I gave it to him. I thought mmm, he will be able to have dinner tonight. He didn't look appreciative and as I was leaving, I heard him asking others the same question. But everyone else said no. I was crushed. I feel hurt. I'm hurt by this random person because I really thought he needed food. And well, maybe he does...but I felt cheated. It hurts and I can't really describe it - I'm crying over a random stranger. I'm hurt because I really see how much he needs Jesus and there were alternative ways I could have acted like ask him specifically what he needed and see if I can buy it at the store. And to him, I may be a stupid girl who fell for it. And mm, maybe I am because to be honest, I do feel stupid. And another thing, I feel that people will say "ohhh, don't feel bad, I will learn from this" (and I will) but I see a greater need to reach out to these people, and well, really those who do not know God."  


But the hardest thing for me right now, is to pray that I will not be angry at this man. In my sorrow, I need to pray for this man that he will not cheat others and if God wills, that he comes to know Christ. And also, praying that the money goes to good use...if not, then that's okay to I guess...actually no! It's not okay. It is not okay.