happenings!!

1. Neil's memorial service. 
It was my first "white" memorial service and it's quite different from a "chinese" memorial service? I'm can't really say there is a huge difference other than the language being spoken. However, Rev. Dr. Tony Costa was the officiating minister! Heheheheh :D like! Something that I took away from this service was the question "Am I living my life for God?". Neil really did, from people's sharing about him and what he made his life to be (being obedient to God), I can truly say that he was a good and faithful servant. I'm looking at my life and the thought hits, "Am I a good and faithful servant?" Ahhh :\ so much thinking but the answer that I come to is no....I don't think I'm 100% obedient -____- gaaaah. It really makes me re-evaluate my life again - more thinking! Costa also reminded me that though this is a period of grief and sadness but it's different because we have hope in Christ Jesus, that we will one day see Neil again. I couldn't help but chuckle (or giggle, whatever you call it) when the slideshow of Neil was ending and it showed the date of his birth to eternity. Ah! Such a wonderful twist!! That's right! There is no end, just a new chapter in life! Ohh!!! something else Costa talked about was from 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have finished the race, I have kept the faith", that Neil has finished the race and is handing off the baton to us. The imagery was nice in my head. So another question is, will we be taking the baton and continue to run this race and finish it??!! YES, I really pray so.

2.  Oklahoma tornado.
It was a tragedy and God used this opportunity for me to share with a co-worker about my thoughts on it. She read a post by this lady (Rachel Held Evans) which I do have opinions about but do not want to share here. Anyways, Rachel talked about Piper's tweets quoting Job and to sum it up, there was a lot of anger and frustration. But! It was interesting because my co-worker asked me to read it and we talked about it. This is where another thought hits me, man, I need to know God's word more. I want to be well-versed! With the help and guidance from EC, I was able to respond to her questions and also ask her a couple. I think I am insensitive to these natural disasters because I never suffered it firsthand and I see it as the beginning of birth pains (Matthew 24:4-8). Yes, it's sad but I believe that God is sovereign and so is in control of everything (disasters included). Just like how lightning and thunder makes me anxious and scared, I am reminded of God's power and wrath. Disasters do bring death and many people think that some people do not deserve this, but we do (Romans 3:23). We all are guilty and deserve the wrath of God. By the collision of platonic plates or weather colliding, God can use these as a way for us to wake up and realize that this earth is perishing and there will be a day when earth will be destroyed. What's important is that during this time of grievance and suffering, there are those who know the Lord and continue to hope in Him.

3. Worry and anxiety
I led devotions today (Matthew 6:25) during softball practice and though EL prepared it and I was the one to deliver it, it was well-timed. I was really worried and anxious over the past two days and well, I can also say that I worry a lot even though I don't show and if I do show it, I show it (haaaa). And while going through the women's cell book study, it talked about this. Along with Oswald Chamber's daily devotions (? EL sent to me - http://utmost.org/our-careful-unbelief/), ohhhhh, what a nice way to tie all the worrying and anxiousness in! It's interesting because Oswald says that worrying is disbelief in God. As I was explaining to the teams, I find it a natural tendency for humans to worry because a lot of things we cannot control. Or if we can control, then wow, so much stress, pressure and energy. But we're weak and not perfect, we will worry but by knowing God, we have hope through faith in Christ that again, He is sovereign and in control of all things. Yeaah!! I was struggling with this the past two days just because I was scared of a road test. I have a lot of pride in myself; that I can't accept failure for such a thing (especially since I have failed already). But you know what I realized? That I am a rebel! Rebel to the rules and laws in place; I like to challenge. So it was this worry and struggle that haunted me the whole night and yeah! Why should I worry? I prayed, asking that I won't worry and to rejoice no matter what the result is. The result? I just kept praying and singing greatness of our God in my mind. Hahhahahaha, it calmed me down knowing (and convinced) that God is greater still. Ahh, thank God cause He granted me peace - no shaking hands! and the best driving I've done in my driving career :D I think that is why I don't like to set plans for the future, because if I do, I worry about it. But of course, there is always the other side of it, like preparing for it. That's another topic of discussion! Essentially, trust in the Lord!! (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God is good, all the time waaaaahooooo!! :D